I ask this because I recently realized what it is that motivates me, and I was left feeling enlightened yet concerned. My primary motivation throughout life has subconsciously been FEAR.
So many of us have had fear as a motivation integrated into our beings from a young age, and carry it with us throughout our lives. It’s a heavy burden disguised as stress, a “servant heart”, anxiety, etc… and can cause us to feel guilt and shame when there is no reason to. I have almost constant stress on the back burner of my mind telling me,
“Why aren’t I doing ____, don’t waste time, are they judging me, have I done something wrong, I don’t understand but what if they get annoyed when I ask for help?” the list of cluttered thoughts goes on and on, it is something that I need to work on pruning down to a minimum!
My epiphany that FEAR is my motivation has made me aware of the fact that I am a people pleaser. Nothing to be ashamed of, but no way to live a life that is fulfilling and true. I need to put more confidence in my own convictions rather than the thoughts and opinions of others that I cannot control no matter how hard I may try.
When I was a child, my family instilled in me the fear of God, in addition to the “healthy” fear of my parents (discipline). Of course, discipline is absolutely necessary when raising a child, but there are better *more modern* ways of going about it than yelling, for instance.
This foundation of functioning in a fear-filled environment grew into being a goody-two-shoes at school and being unable to handle confrontation from others later in life.
My parents weren’t perfect, and no parent ever is. When we grow up and have the ability to realize our shortcomings and internal conflicts, it is now up to us to work towards solutions by embracing our inner truths.
If you are living a life motivated by FEAR, I encourage you to step away from your doubts and trust yourself. Know that you are not alone in your struggle to please others along with your own high standards of yourself. Try taking life just 1 day at a time, rather than an entire week, whole semester, year, or even decade.
That can be overwhelming! I’ve recently discovered the peace and healing that meditation can have when we are feeling distressed or overwhelmed. There are lots of free apps that can offer tips on how to meditate, one of which is called Headspace. I’ve included the link to it at the bottom of this post and hope to help any of you who are struggling with anxiety, depression, or feeling overwhelmed.
It is incredible to think that we are in fact capable of rewiring our brains to think a different way. Did you know that?? If we constantly choose to focus and dwell on the negative, it is likely that we will develop a thought pattern that leads to depression later on.
However, if we choose to be grateful, and focus on the positive and the present, it does the opposite! How daunting and exciting at the same time. It is our responsibility to keep our minds in check, but thankfully there are lots of apps, counselors, communities, and programs that are available to help us along the way.
So, I may have rambled a bit, but my main point is this: Don’t let fear be what motivates you. Let the goal of being grateful every day inspire you to enjoy life to the fullest and get through those tough times with a cup-half-full attitude. Also, no matter how alone you may feel, know that there are always people out there who are willing to listen and help.
Headspace link: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.getsomeheadspace.android&hl=en
If you have any questions feel free to shoot me an email via my contact page.
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