Holy smokes what a topic! It seems to have become so easy in todays modern world to be ‘triggered‘. Often times, when someone around us is ‘triggered’ or we ourselves display different trigger-like characteristics, the natural response is disapproval and intolerance of the troubled persons (yourself or others) feelings.
There seems to be a stigma around the notion of being “triggered” in our North American culture that does not encourage an opposing opinion to the regular stream of things. Said person may be referred to as “too sensitive“, crazy, or annoying.
I would love to be a part of moving society away from this short-sighted tendency because believe it or not, being triggered is an incredibly useful tool that can be applied in varying life scenarios. When you’re triggered, it’s your body and mind inviting you to recognize a part of yourself that needs attention, a part that needs healing.
Depending on what the specific issue is, you could be unveiling the beginning of a path down memory lane that aides in identifying aspects of your upbringing and/or experiences that are potentially limiting you today.
It is important that when you are with a person who is triggered, to realize that their behaviour likely has little or nothing to do with you. It is a natural response to take someones actions and words personally and to react with an equally passionate, upset, or aggressive response. However, reacting in this way only feeds the flames and will result in more damage to both persons involved.
Instead, it is necessary for both people to take the space to process the information individually until they are ready to return to the conversation calmly. In this way, there is a massively higher chance of genuine communication, compassion, and learning.
For instance, in a any relationship you may find yourself being triggered by things your partner/parent/friend/collegue says when in reality what they are saying is not hurtful in and of itself. It is the feelings and memories you have associated with the topic of their speech that causes you to feel attacked, uncomfortable, judged, or just plain icky inside.
Once you are able to separate your feelings from reality, you will be on the way to taking great strides towards healthier relationships with the people around you and with yourself.
It’s important to acknowledge the unique struggles and pain that we have experienced, and to sit with it for a moment in order to gain valuable understanding of our own thoughts and triggers. Learn your soft points, why does this issue make you emotional? Why does this feel personal to you? In this way, we are able to unlock layers of ourselves that we are previously in the dark to, and can further understand who we are and why.
Think of it like this; a trigger is your brains’ way of telling you that you are hurt (have a mental wound) in an area of life that is not necessarily tangible, whereas physical pain directs our attention to where we need help physically. So, a trigger is like a mental hurt that can range from a small scrape, all the way to deep wounds that require more time and work to heal through. Just as physical wounds eventually heal, a scar may be left in the mental wound place reminding us of how we grew through that internal healing. I hope that helps make it a little more clear 🙂
In addition, the recognition of our triggers leads to our own personal growth! This can only happen however when time and energy are dedicated to understanding ourselves better in this way. The goal is always to become a better and more true version of ourselves, and triggers allow us to take steps in the right direction in achieving this goal.
Conquering years of built-up resentment, shame, misunderstanding, miseducation, embarrassment, and hurt is not easy. In fact, it can sometimes take an infinite amount of time and is a journey we take through all of life. Being alive is a privilege, and being triggered is a natural and great way to get to know ourselves and the world around us better.
A great way to navigate your agitated state is to talk it out with someone as calmly as you can muster. It’s great to be passionate, but it’s also important to allow an outside voice to contribute to the conversation too. Communicating our feelings is such a healthy practice that when we don’t do it, we can actually cause ourselves to become physically sick! Amazing to realize how the body and mind are so connected in this way.
Mental health is just as important as physical health as they are interrelated in many ways. A good response when you find yourself to be getting tied up in knots about something is to walk away. Not forever, just for a moment. Take some time (10mins to a couple of days depending on the unique situation) to process your own thoughts and feelings, and how they relate to what the other person is expressing. Can you see it from their point of view?
Then, once you have done this, communicating with this person about the issue will be much more likely to be a productive conversation rather than a potential continuation of negative feelings.
If you have any questions or comments please feel free to contact me! I love discussing big topics and learning different points of view.
Ralph Nichols
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”
Thoughts to Writings 