All my life, I grew up living in a fear-filled environment, and it was normal. Normal is such a deceiving word, isn’t it? It is something that doesn’t exist, and yet we all know what it is. There are approx. 7.6 BILLION versions of normal, and all of them are different from the other.
I say this because that is the approximate number of people living on our beautiful, soon-to-be over-populated earth right now. Every country has a unique culture, set of laws, beliefs, social etiquettes, and more.
Most people have thought about this fact at least once in their life, but do we realize that each individual family, or individual person also has their own set of beliefs, morals, habits, likes, dislikes, talents, skill sets, insecurities, experiences, and perspectives on the world in which we all live?
It is beautiful and daunting at the same time. How can we all co-exist on this earth peacefully and in harmony if we all see things differently? This is one of the mysteries of life that doesn’t have one set answer, but in general, we get on in this world by adapting, and rising to the challenge of what existence is in our own specific spheres of reality.
So, when I was a kid I grew up in a fear-filled environment, and it was normal.
It was so normal that I didn’t realize that I was living in this way, in fear. Sometimes (actually most times) when we are raised in a certain environment, we tend to view it as the standard of everyone else around us as well. If life is like this for me, it must be the same for everyone else too!
We usually see this limited way of thinking dissipate sometime during or after late childhood when we have undergone a more extensive taste for what life has to offer. So, from my own personal experience, I was completely unaware that anything about certain aspects of the way I lived my life growing up could be seen by others as concerning, outdated, mentally damaging, and repressive.
It is true what they say; “Ignorance is bliss.”. When someone is not aware that something they are doing or experiencing is wrong, it is near impossible to convince them to change their ways.
When you live in fear, whether you are aware of it or not, there are several negative results that almost always follow:
- Experiencing a heightened sense of shame in large areas of life (this one is HUGE)
- Developing mental blocks that disallow you from accepting different sets of opinions, beliefs, and facts in an objective manner.
- Developing an almost unbreakable bias toward your own way of thinking and living as being the “right” way.
- Experiencing a constant weight of stress toward a multitude of things which could include but are not limited to: Pleasing others, being a “good” person, becoming successful (career etc…), keeping a good reputation, etc…
- A tendency toward entering and/or remaining in co-dependent relationships. This includes all types of relationships, not just romantic.
- Losing the true sense of “self”. It is common for people to lose themselves in the expectations of their society, loved ones, co-workers, or environments in general.
- Developing a strong need to maintain a sense of control. This one is very common, and so tough because it is impossible to control most things. Sometimes it’s better to let the cards fall where they may.
- Missing out on countless moments of peace, joy, and contentment. (Not to mention adventure, laughter, pleasure, and purpose)
The above bullet points provide a brief but accurate illustration as to WHY we should all strive to live apart from fear. HOW do we do this? A good place to start is practicing our own mindfulness.
Simply put, mindfulness is the practice of becoming more and more present in your environment. This could mean dedicating a quiet moment to looking around you, trying to notice all the details of what’s going on. The trees, the traffic, the wind blowing against your face. Try to focus on not only what you see, but also what you hear, and smell.
To go deeper you could then put a conscious effort into noticing how your body feels in this moment. What am I thinking about? How are my thoughts behaving? Where am I tensing my muscles? By putting ourselves in the present, we are able to break out of negative thought patterns, uplift our own mood, and become grounded in the reality of this moment. When someone is living a lifestyle threaded with fear, mindfulness is not often promoted.
Another way to avoid a life filled with fear, is to continuously educate yourself. Knowledge is the power to self in more ways than one. By educating ourselves in a wide range of subjects, we are able to view the world from a more informed standpoint.
This can help eliminate needless fears and promote a more truthful existence. Nobody knows everything, but it is an admirable endeavor to make the choice to continue learning throughout your life. Not everyone has the ability to continue their studies in the academic sector, so when the opportunity strikes to go back to school think seriously before turning the other way.
One last practice I can suggest to help keep fear at bay, is to let go of the past. This one may seem out of category, but I believe that fear and regret are very closely related. Many of us regret not doing certain things, or wishing we could do or say things in a different way than we did. There is probably not a single soul who is completely exempt from this feeling of regret mixed with the fear of missing out (FOMO).
The fear that if we had done it differently, things would be different now. Well that much is true, but there is no way of possibly altering our past, so why do we vex over it so often? We could save so much mental energy if we let go of certain regrets, and stopped being afraid of embracing the present moment instead. Our pasts have brought us to where we are today, and our present is how we are getting to tomorrow. You have no power over the past, so let it be. You have all the potential in the world to create the life you want at this moment NOW.
Acceptance of the past is a tool in life that will help take away your fear-filled regrets and discontentment and replace them with an abundance of peace instead.
What are some of your suggested ways to avoid living a lifestyle fueled by fear? I would love to hear from you. Feel free to send me a message through my contact page or send a direct message through this Instagram account.
Cheers,
Holly
Thoughts to Writings 